Today I wasn't feeling well during my abnormal psychology class. It seemed like one of the longest lectures because of my hot flashes & flashes of nausea. Each minute of class felt like 10minutes. After getting out of class, I went home and took a nap. My anxious husband bought a pregnancy test. To our amazement and joy, the pregnancy test didn't take long to indicate plans for the next 20 years! I started crying... and so did Kimi (shh, he doesn't like to admit he was crying). Kimi has talked about wanting kids before we were even married. I wasn't so eager to become a parent, but now feel like it will be the most fulfilling calling of my life. One in which I can help raise an amazing person who will contribute to our society, along with other things I hope this little person becomes. I hope that s/he has Kimi's good nature, and not my stubborn one. Though I do hope that they are a go-getter like me and one that loves to learn and becomes educated in whatever courses inspires them.
Kimi told his family (Lala, mom, & dad). All of which were very excited about the news. One of my hopes for this child is that they know and love the deep culture that Kimi's family encompasses and know that he comes from a heritage rich in love, family, affection, and hard-working individuals.
Right now, because this is the first day I've been aware of my pregnancy, I still feel like it could be taken from me at any moment. I've had several dreams where I thought I was pregnant, only to find out later in my dream that I wasn't. After waking up after these dreams, I felt a bit of sadness and discouragement. I'm scared this will just be another experience like that. I've also had a couple of dreams where I had a baby boy. I cling to those dreams now hoping those are the outcome of this circumstance.
After telling Kimi's family about our news, I told my mom. I was crying the whole time I told her. She hugged me and seemed so happy. I kept telling her how happy I was. She said, "well, you don't look very happy". I laughed and thought, "I probably don't considering I'm a blubbering mess right now." I think for me, this has evoked so much joy in me that I'm not quite sure how to approach it other than crying.
I will hopefully keep this journal up. This is more for me and Kimi than anyone else. I tend to be long-winded and I'm not expecting anyone to spend hours reading what I've written.
Toni
